Having seen my fair share of ridiculous old-school Kung Fu flicks, I came into this film prepared for anything. I can handle the countless wise masters with eyebrows down to their kidneys, and I am always prepared for evil Emperors who maniacally laugh at even the most serious circumstances. But what I wasn't prepared for was furious fighting Gorillas. But I'll get to those later...

Shaolin Invincibles reeks of Saturday morning Kung Fu, it's like a huge melting pot of everything there is to love about the genre, even if not all of it is entirely successful. It feeds on my childhood fondness of stupid plots and horrible dubs like a pedophiliac tapeworm. Some may groan at the thought of a dub like I do, but I didn't expect subtitles, and the comedic value is always boosted a bit by an awful dub, which Shaolin Invincibles has in spades. But unlike Shaw Brothers films, with which it is apparent a potentially serious film is hidden under the lame voices, such is not the case here. This movie is ridiculous in any language. And that's why it's so fun to watch. But seriously, this isn't what you all want to read about...

...It's all about the Gorillas! Without giving away too much of this prize winning plot, I still need to shed some light on the reasoning for Kung Fu Gorillas. So the big bad emperor needs some supreme, unbeatable warriors for his now pathetic army. With the help of his magical friends "Guy-with-painted-black-face" and "Monk-with-10-foot-tongue-and-pope-hat" he enlists the aid of super strong Gorillas. He then begs the immortal question, "You say these animals know Kung Fu?", after which a violent demonstration is held, as the primates dispatch all of his strongest guards. This is possibly one of the most hilarious scenes I have ever seen in my life, flowered with protruding zippers on the back of the Gorilla suits. Oh, and did I mention it looks like the Gorillas are wearing Reeboks? But soon the heroes will discover their weak spot, but I won't ruin anything else.

So we all agree the story is this films strongest point. The action is pure dribbling crust, though. The back promises the film is filled with "Exceptional fights and totally original martial arts choreography!". While being endlessly beat up by Gorillas IS original, I wouldn't say it's even close to exceptional. The cast flips around like monkeys themselves and it all reeks of Kung Pow (whether that's good or bad is up to you). I was most disappointed by the fight with my two monk friends, aptly named in the preceding paragraph. By all means they should have gone to town on the hero, but...well, I don't want any spoiler hounds to cry foul. I'll leave it at that.

The film only really drags when we are forced to watch people talk to each other. Let's get real, if you're not talking about fighting or huge Gorillas, then what are you doing in my Kung Fu movie? It's almost insulting after getting halfway through this flick that they even included non-ape related dialogue. There are far too many unnecessary plot points involving humans. Random uninspired fights explode in front of the bad paintin...err, I mean forest that fail to answer my real questions. I would love to tell you all of the names and attributes of the supporting characters, but frankly I don't recall them. They were obstacles in my path to discovering the origin of the aptly cast apes. Shaolin Invincibles begs for a prequel, directed by, written by and starring me, and filmed at the San Diego Zoo.

But even moaning and whining about the low points of this film is fruitless. I feel like a bastard critiquing it. Don't take my numbers at the bottom to heart, read the review. It's so hard to tack on a rating to something that is so funny but such a bad movie. This movie wasn't meant to be judged, it was meant to blaze onto your screen while you nurse an optional bowl of Cap'n Crunch or Cocoa Puffs. The brain shouldn't even be on standby during this movie, it's stupid, fun and hilarious. It holds almost every stereotype of Kung Fu Cinema hostage and puts them all to work vigorously. You can skip this film if you want, but don't come crying to me when the horribly costumed gorillas come knocking at your door ready to Bruce Leroy your ass. You've been warned.