Read that plot summary again. Now sit back and try to get your head around it. Do you have an idea what message the director is trying to give to the audience? No, me neither, and I assure you that while this is bizarre stuff, it doesn't even fall into the category of 'so bad its good'.

It is apparently based on a novel, and a successful Thai movie from the 80's, so either the original was garbage, or this movie is a terrible accident. Crocodiles, and for that matter, alligator's rarely feature in the best movies, but this is the worst giant crocodile film I have ever witnessed, which is a pity, because on the strength of its eccentric plot, it deserves to be a winner.

It is also the only film in movie history to feature a protagonist with a fetish for reptilian romping. After meeting the head human-crocodile, (or humadiles as I shall now call them), he decides that the two female humadiles aren't so bad after all, and seduces them. I'm sorry, but no matter how fit a girl is, it's not worth getting your face bitten off for.

I don't know whether Thailand permits multiple wives, but by the end of this movie our hero Kraitong has two human wives, and two humadile mistresses. He is also rather tactile with his male friend, and enjoys the occasional massage from him.

Krai Thong is reminiscent of Tsui Hark's markedly superior 'Green Snake', in that it blends sensuality, feral humans with the ability to change into animal form, and the occasional action sequence. Green Snake did it so much better, and here the sensuality is much less subtle. The villagers are all scantily clad, yet there are no lovely wobbly ta-ta's on display, and the sex scenes are tame and random. The sex in this movie should have been more explicit to draw in the crowds, or merely implied. As they are, they serve no purpose, and feel like a desperate attempt to make things more interesting. Oh, and appropriately, the Executive Producer has the best first name I ever heard 'Suparporn'. Maybe he should have considered living up to his moniker.

The whole thing feels like a B-movie, but not in a good way. The action scenes mostly involve a lot of shots of people screaming and flailing about, and the machine gun editing often makes it hard to tell what is happening. The motion blur and strobe effects which try so hard to generate some excitement also begin to irritate, being a poor attempt to build tension which should have been provided by the script and direction. Even the computer generated crocodile is poor. Sometimes it looks up to the standard of Hollywood monsters, but as soon as it has to share a screen with anybody, you find yourself wishing they had just rolled around on the floor with a rubber croc.

There are a few amusing moments, but they are often unintentional. The only real reason to see Krai Thong is its sheer absurdity. Why, for instance, does a humadile living in an underwater lair need a fish tank? Why do the villagers persist in going into the lake at every possible opportunity when half of them have already been eaten? Why am I watching this guff when I should be out looking for a job? At first, I thought that this movie was ironic, but no, the terrible dialogue, non-sensical plot and intrusive handheld shaky camera are all intended to be taken seriously.

After seeing the Thai movie 'Tears of the Black Tiger', I had high hopes for this film, but it 'bites'. It's a 'croc' of shit. I'm so funny.